There are far too many common New Year’s Resolutions and every year women resort to using them to fill up their list.  You know the ones: go to the gym on the first of January and then 364 days after that.  Diet like you’ve never dieted before, shed pounds, not going vegan but close enough to it.  And if those plans went the way that we all planned, by December we’d have  Jessica Alba’s skin, Beyonce’s curves and SJP’s wardrobe (shoe collection included).

But for most women by the time the carolers begin making their rounds again, we are sitting there with both remaining flaws and progress made.  So what should a girl do when the first month of the year seems to call for a life makeover or at least a new list?  Well this year, I am going on a journey and I’m hoping other women will join in. My new resolution: doing it in public.

For our purposes, ladies, consider ‘doing it in public’ less a sexual directive and more a new mantra.  It’s about being bold enough to step out of our shells and take risks in front of onlookers.  Being bolder may not give you the high of sneaking time in the bushes, but it won’t get you the indecent exposure citation either.  Choosing to be exposed is not merely about shedding skin- it’s about unearthing the woman inside of you from under the rubble. We all have our rubble.  Rubble that has us buried six feet under and suffocating , comfortably.  It can be our insecurities about our bodies, our anxiety about what’s ahead for our professional lives, love lives, even a sense of spiritual disconnect.For me, that rubble became a comfort blanket, something I hid under because I was too scared to pull myself out of the ground.

In past year, I found myself torn.Like many women, I could feel myself going between flying on highs and settling into the line.  I found my spirit was on top of the world when things came through, when there was some residual glee from something going right in my relationship, or at work.  But overwhelmingly, I felt myself living through the motions of the day-to-day, slipping into a monotony I felt I hadn’t signed on to.

When I was younger, I was sure who I was going to be when I got older.  Not the particular job title, maybe not even city of residence, but if there was anything I was absolutely sure of it was the type of woman I would be.  The kind that would briskly walk down busy streets, head high and confident in every part of who she was.  The plan wasn’t to be flawless, the plan was to be worth watching.  What makes a woman isn’t the body or the shoes- it’s how she carries herself.  It’s whether or not she has a light inside.

One of my mentors has a quote framed in her office that reads, “Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”  And maybe that has been the problem all along.  While I have been working under the rubble hoping one day my life would become one long moment of bliss, I haven’t lived and let all the little ones in between carry some of that light.

So this year, I am choosing to shovel myself out of the ground and walk on it.  How?  With a simple question- is this what I see for my best self?  Give me a million lists to put resolutions on and that question is all I will need to write.  And ladies be honest with yourselves- that question helps to really narrow most of the dilemmas in your life down.  Instead of drowning beneath an unhealthy relationship or weighing out a major career change, the best choice will come from deciding what would fit into the life of the happy you.

You don’t need to make your life a performance for other people but you should decide to live it like you’re on a stage.  Choosing the path that you expect for your best self does just that.  Approaching everything from this perspective is a better way to tread through the year ahead than setting month by month deadlines to create the image you see.  Instead of using your anxiety to drive you on a senseless journey to perfection, let hope to guide your choices.

Letting hope lead will force your insecurities to take a back seat.  Know how I know?  Because when you are in tune with yourself, the choices you make for your own happiness will provide that.  No one knows you better than you and no one is more capable of giving you better direction.  We are often so worried about falling flat on our face in front of everyone that we don’t walk confidently down the path we know is meant for us.

The onlookers will look.  That’s what they are there for. Live the life you know you deserve. Go head, girl Do your thing, in public.