We live in an overachievement culture and many of us are overachieving women. We live our lives in a cycle of creating goals and pouring all our energy into attaining them. Instead of experiencing the euphoria associated with achieving that goal, what we’re most familiar with is the bitterness of disappointment.

Our disappointment is rarely caused by actual failure. You see women who are members of the over-achieving tribe nit pick at their victories. Nothing is ever good enough for us. We're on a ceaseless quest to prove to others and ourselves that we can do everything. We look around at our friends and their successes and we’re further convinced that we’re not doing enough. When in fact we're doing too much.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with being an overachiever or seeking to overachieve. Except when you allow achievement to consume you, it will destroy you.

In a moment of inspiration, madness or both, whilst under a lot of stress I scribbled the following on a piece of paper: 

DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF

As those words stared back at me, they were a revelation and a source of salvation. Like every other revelatory phrase I come across, I decided to stick it on my bedroom wall. Ironically it’s beside my inspiration board.  I guess that’s the universe’s humorous way of giving me balance. Every time I look up at my bedroom wall in despair and all the things I’m yet to achieve mock me, there’s a screaming reminder…

DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF

It’s such an important phrase I’m contemplating getting it tattooed on my wrist so I don’t forget. The wrist tattoo will come in handy 20 years from now, when my (unborn) daughter grows into an awkward tweenager with shifty eyes who can’t whip her hair like Willow. I’ll conclude that I’ve failed as a mother and I’ll need to be reminded:

DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF

Except I know I won’t get the tattoo on my wrist because my pain threshold in nonexistent. Plus when I join the wrist tattoo crew I’m aiming for something sexier, preferably in a foreign language.

My obsession with wrist tattoo’s aside, we’re all going to need to remember this mantra for as long as we live. So how exactly do we live it? Here are a few things that are helping me.

Remember:

1) You won't always get it right
You will be wrong, far more than you will be right.  Accept it.

2) Failure is good for you
Mariah had “Charmbracelet”, Oprah had that questionable hairdo circa 1992 and one year into her contract with 20th Century Fox Marilyn Monroe was dropped. It’s ok to fail. All the greats have. 

3) Cry
Cry. Cry as much as you like and don’t feel guilty for doing it. It’s scientifically proven to help you feel better. The only problem is I can’t be bothered to googlepedia the piece of research that proves it. But trust me, crying helps.

4) Stop "if only-ing"
We spend hours, months and days over-analysing events we can’t change. We torment ourselves with “If only’s”, forgetting that counterfactual thinking is a waste of time.

The only reality we own is the one we’re in. Quit with the post-mortems of mistakes past and embrace the present.  

5) Be content
Aesop put it best:

“Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.”

6) Be kind to yourself
We no longer have to live in fear of the bully in the playground. Now the only bully we have to contend with is the one who lives in our heads. Some of us abuse ourselves far more than our worse enemies. It’s as if we think that if we’re nice to ourselves, we’ll achieve less, which is nonsense. So be kind to yourself!

7) Always Remember “I Am Enough”
In the midst of all our overachieving, we forget everything we need is already inside of us. We forget that our imperfections make us unique, brilliant and beautiful. That the very thing we beat ourselves up about every day, is the reason someone else loves us.

I Am Enough

I do think we need to start chanting those words to ourselves when we’re overwhelmed by stress and diffidence. Perhaps if we chant it enough, we’d finally believe it’s true. We are enough, so let’s start living like it.


Christiana Mbakwe is a freelance writer, blogger and editor of “The Tip'” She uses her blog “Christiana Rants” as an alternative to therapy and is compelled to walk into every vintage shop she spots. She's on a mission to live the best version of her life possible, wearing the best shoes possible.