Whilst there’s nothing wrong with ‘wanting it all’, and I believe every girl should shoot for the stars. However rushing to the finish line and compromising what you’ve acquired along the way is no way to get it.
We often find ourselves in a race, against each other (and even against ourselves) to get a job, get the guy, get the looks, get the house and then get the perfect life. Learning to run before you can walk, or even achieving the appearance of a perfectly checked list before you’ve had a chance to digest it all, runs a risk for us all, where we just might not know what we missed.
During coffee with a girl I’ve often looked to as the perfect example of having her head screwed on straight (my head seems to be screwed on 30 degrees to the left. But at least it’s still on) we were talking about the no good guys that manage to knock even the most screwed-on-straight of girls.
She told me that guys were the real romantics – when they find a girl they want to be with, gone are the late poker nights, and x-box nights with the boys. In come nights at the movies and trying out every branch of Thai cuisine in the city. In comes the exclusivity and the realisation that “she’s the one.” And just like their commitment to fried foods and their favourite (yet doomed) football team – they rarely change their minds.
Women? Well us women settle. “I’ll go for the not so good looking, but funny guy.” “He’s boring but has a great job, and his own place.” “He hasn’t got a job but he loves children.” “He doesn’t want children, but he’s great with my friends and family.” And so on. Women will constantly accept the next-best-thing. What we don’t realise is that relationships are not like inflation, or government taxes. We don’t have to settle for them.
Whilst casually calling into the Chanel Boutique mid-boredom on a Monday, to enquire over stock I have no intention of buying (or more accurately: can’t afford), my favourite eccentric sales-assistant, Flavio, just as casually rattled off the new Classic Double Flap prices – £2355. It had gone up again. As a friend later put it: we were collectively £700 richer just for being bag-obsessed. Even I couldn’t believe it. That’s a down-payment on an adoption! Women across the country who’d “settled” for last year’s Chanel-inflation were probably jumping for joy – with a triumphant “HA” at the fact that their handbag, has achieved more growth and value than most FTSE stock in the past year.
I couldn’t think what the remedy for chronic-settling the way we so expertly do for men was. But then it hit me; last week Bross Bennet – experienced family law experts, had tired so much of the inherently doomed ex-couples who employ their services – from the settler and the commitment-phobe to the WAG and footballer, that they’ve constructed a ‘questionnaire’ to preempt divorces. That’s right. A divorce law firm has written a guide on how-not-to-stitch-yourself-up for divorce. They’re that inundated with business. I stopped reading after the first few questions because it was logic. “Do you have opposing views on public vs. state schooling?” “Are there any old flames for whom you still hold a candle?” All questions that lead down one (golden) yellow brick road: “Are you settling down or just settling?”
This is a question noone can answer for you but yourself. However it'd be wise to set yourself flashing neon warning signs that go off in your mind, every time you agree to ‘one last time’ of nonchalance, sacrifices that push even saintly boundaries, or even lies and infidelity. Soon enough you’ll be able to spot yourself settling for any less than you should, miles in advance.
Remember, it's all relative. One girl’s Devito is another girl’s Mr Pitt. Self-sufficiency is key. Feel secure in the knowledge that you’ve chosen exactly where and where not to be in life. And if you’re not there right now, you’re certainly on your way. Know that ‘having it all’ isn’t defined by cutting out a slice in time of your life but in revelling in all that you have right now. Things change, they come and go. Having it all should be translated from feeling satisfied, content; living like you’re achieving all that you want to at that given moment. Then, as you sieve through the Devitos from the Pitts, you’ll find you really aren’t just settling for a knock off of what you really want.
Last year as I walked into the gym on February 14th, having spent the better part of the day simply “waiting” for the disappointment (or rather the football) to end, the cute French guy at the entry desk asked me what I was “doing here on Valentine’s day.” I simply answered: “ask my boyfriend.” And just like that I realised, settling once, means settling for a lifetime. Unlike all other inevitable forces and the invisible hand, and even those price rises in your long-coveted favourite designer handbag, what you deserve, and who you deserve, is not something to “settle” for. It deserves an equally triumphant “HA” when you can say you’ve got the cream the crop.
Joanna works in an investment bank in the city… and packs Vogue in her desk drawers! If you daydream about breaks from the city, lust over labels, and wish you could speak MANglish, then step into the world of the Citygirl and separate the faddish from the fabulous.
